I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
