My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize