new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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