Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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