No stitches, just platelets and will power
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
