shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
