Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
