that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize