apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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