That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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