is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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