You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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