All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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