there's paper in my vomit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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