My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
