Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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