Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
