I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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