The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
