Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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