woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
