just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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