so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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