Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
