I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
