Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
