he wants to bone in the snuggie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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