Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
