Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
