Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
