Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
