i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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