it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
