there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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