mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
