Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
