apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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