i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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