How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
