Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
