Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
