I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
