He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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