i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
