My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
