If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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