he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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