There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
