Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
