Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
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