my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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