Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
