Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
