saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
