i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
