YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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