Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
