i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pants are for mortals
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
