It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
