i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
