i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
