if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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