I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
