Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
