To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
