i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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