Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
