I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize