They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
