I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
